I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize