Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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