ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
