So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
