There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize