Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
