My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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