At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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