Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
