First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
