You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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