Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
