Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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