Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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