I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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