I wish I could teleport
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I checked into jail on foursquare
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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