Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
