The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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