Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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