We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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