I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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