I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
