if you like me you must not know who I am
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
