My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
