I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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