I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
