you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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