mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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