You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
