WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
