You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
