Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
