i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
