oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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