So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
