dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
