So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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