Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
