her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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