It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my being single is dangerous.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
is it fun? or sober?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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