I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's rum buckets o'clock
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
