You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
