and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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