Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
