I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
