he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
