I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
