Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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