Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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