I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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