It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
