Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
