I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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