i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
