Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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