He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
