So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize