Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sext me about skeletons
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
