The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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