Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
