I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
