I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
