I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
