OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
