Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
