you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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