took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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