____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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