You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
