I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it glows. i had to have it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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