I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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