im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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