My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
